Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
did i walk over a car last night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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