Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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