I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
