There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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