Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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