this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize