'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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