it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
