Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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