I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Soap is not a condiment
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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