It's Friday. Sex?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
