Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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