I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We have started to decorate penises.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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