i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
