but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
