It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
