found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
