I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize