i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
