what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
