I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Enjoy the penises
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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