There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
