found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
