You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
