Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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