Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
