Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
