I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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