Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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