she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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