It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
