did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize