remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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