people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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