he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
