I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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