i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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