I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
