I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
