you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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