1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
