She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want to make out with him forever
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
