Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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