i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
