Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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