I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
