Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
