Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
