I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do herpes really smell.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
