I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
