the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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