no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
