So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
