he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
