If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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