At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
