looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just forgot I was standing up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
