I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize