Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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