I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
