So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
