He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
