Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
