Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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