Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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