i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
