I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
