; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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