I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
