i think my mom watched the whole time
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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