My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
