why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize